3 October 2008

Bin-juice cigs

Here's a scenario for you.

One of your housemates is cleaning the kitchen. They see a (half-full) packet of cigarettes lying around somewhere, they shake it, assume it's empty and chuck it in the bin. Next day, when you are searching for said packet, it is nowhere to be seen. You ask around the household, but no-one else has seen it and you're the only one who smokes Marlboro Silver, anyway. Where, oh where could it have gotten to? You ask aforementioned kitchen-cleaner who says she threw an empty packet of cigs in the bin when cleaning, but you think nothing of it, yours was half-full.

Next day, you're really wondering where the packet could be and you remember the remark about the bin. Somewhat pathetically you look into the bin, tentatively lift up some slightly-moist plastic, push away the remnants of some sort of vegetable conglomeration, nudge at a mouldy crust and - voila - the famous M looms. Oddly triumphant, you lean in and pick the packet - as one might pick a gold ring out of a toilet or pluck a flower from a swarm of bees - and it's the very one! Victory!

How daft to throw away a half-full packet of cigarettes, you think, nevertheless glad of your discovery, as you open the pack and pull one out. But, the expectation of long, smooth, unblemished whiteness is instantly destroyed by the sight of ... BIN-JUICE CIGS! Soaked into the pure, pearly whiteness and elegant form is the slimy, smelly, squirmy liquid I like to call 'bin-juice', giving the cigarette a gag-worthy shade of tanny-green. Plus, you notice on closer inspection, the carton is squashed, disfiguring the usually svelte line of its contents. Off-colour and disfigured, could it get worse?

Indeed, friends, it could. Think now to the mental process one goes through in such a situation. Let us assign the facts: 1) you are a "non-smoker", 2) kitchen-cleaner is a non-smoker, 3) "Smoking kills" (see packet), 4) kitchen-cleaner was, indeed, cleaning the kitchen.

One cannot have a go at a housemate, especially one who is being so kind as to clean the kitchen, for throwing out half a packet of cigarettes, especially when the person who owns the cigarettes shouldn't really have purchased them in the first place. Secondly, one cannot ask a non-smoker - one who refuses to buy other people cigarettes on the principle that she does not want to aid their deaths - to reimburse one for the lost pack, despite the fact kitchen-cleaner carelessly discarded them. And lastly, how stingy and pathetic does it sound complaining about a few measly cigarettes getting tainted by bin-juice? Incredibly stingy and pathetic.

Lessons to be learned from this scenario: 1) don't leave half-full packets of cigarettes lying around communal kitchens, 2) don't throw away cigarette packets without looking inside to check their contents, 3) always be honest with your housemates, and yourself, 4) if you know you shouldn't smoke, don't buy cigarettes and guiltily disown them in your communal kitchen, only to come crawling back complaining when someone chucks 'em and they get infested with bin-juice.

Below are some images of the Bin-juice cigs, click to enlarge.

Photos by Eleanor Weber.


Blogger doctork said...

Your grandmother says"DON'T SMOKE! IT'S NO FUN BEING DEAD!"
And while you're alive, it's no fun being smelly, wrinkly and yellow.
The kitchen-cleaner is to be congratulated.

06 October, 2008 10:33  
Blogger Aimée Keeble said...

i like your brain :)

09 October, 2008 16:39  

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